Admissions Anxiety Triggers
And how parents can help
According to a recent report from the Art & Science Group, a higher education consulting firm, “levels of anxiety may be even higher than you might think” when it comes to high school seniors and the college search process.
In other breaking news, water is wet, mosquitos are annoying, and McDonald’s Diet Coke continues to be the queen of all beverages.
As someone who has worked in higher education for 25 years and who got my start as an admissions counselor, I’m 0% surprised by most of the findings of this report, which include that:
89% of the high school seniors surveyed reported moderate to high levels of anxiety around the college search process.
43% of all students reported high levels of anxiety, with the highest levels reported by:
students from moderate to lower income households
students who identify as LGBTQ
students who identify as first-generation college students
The truth is that while I suspect some students are more anxious than they need to be1, it also makes sense that the feel stressed about the college search process. There are a variety of cultural reasons for this. First, we still talk WAY too much about the admissions processes for the most highly selective schools and not enough about what it takes to get into the schools that most students go to - the wide network of moderately selective state schools, regional universities, and private colleges that aren’t on the so called “top 50” lists. Second, our language around the college search often includes a lot of talk about finding the “right” school or the “dream school” in a way that makes it seem like they are trying to find their one true academic soulmate. We know, of course, that there is no such thing as one right school for anyone and that most students could be happy at a variety of schools and that most current students report being satisfied with their college choice, even if they didn’t end up at their first choice.
But for most 17 and 18 year olds, choosing a college probably feels like one of their biggest life decisions so far, so of course there will be some stress about it. It it, after all, one of their first decisions as they get ready to start their adult life. It might be the first time they get to have a big say in where they are going to live. It is likely one of the most expensive decisions they’ve been involved in making, perhaps the first time they’ve had to consider things like the value of going into debt. It may be the first time they’ve had multiple adults ask them questions about what they want to learn, what kind of community they want to be part of, what kind of person they’ll turn out to be.
(The irony, as many of us know, is that most of us will end up having lives that are often quite different than we imagined at 17)(and THANK GOODNESS for that, honestly)
One of the reasons I started this Substack was out of a desire to help reduce the anxiety around the college search process, both for students and for parents. With that in mind, let’s do a deeper dive into some of the primary causes of student anxiety, as described in the report linked above, and ways parents might help their students deal with them.
According to the researchers from Art & Science group, students surveyed were given a list of possible stressors and asked to choose the ones that cause the most anxiety. Let’s take a look at the top five reported stressors.
Meeting application deadlines
One of the few surprising findings for me in this report was that “meeting application deadlines” was the most commonly selected stressor for the students surveyed, with 53% of students saying this had a significant impact on their anxiety. I find this interesting because, of all the possible stressors on the list, this is the one that feels like it should be one of the easiest to manage. Application deadlines are published well in advance and aren’t usually too hard to find, so it is one of the less mysterious parts of the admissions process. I suspect, however, that because students haven’t actually done applications yet, they are still mysterious in terms of how much work is required, how long it actually takes to complete them, etc.
The good news is that I think this an anxiety area where there are some good ways for parents to provide some support. Here’s what I’m planning to do with my own child, who’ll be starting the application process in just a few months:
Set some reasonable expectations about how many schools to apply for. For our family, that number is ideally around 6-7 but definitely less than 10. I only want him to apply to schools he’s genuinely interested in (though I will still make him apply to a community college, no matter what), that he has had the chance to visit, that I have a pretty solid sense that it is in our family’s price range (529 plan + student loans), and that he’s done enough research on to actually tell me something about why he’s interested in that school. While students will hear stories about the kids who apply to tons of schools, the truth is that MOST students will apply to somewhere between 6-10 schools.
Make a spreadsheet with the basic application info for each school, including when their application windows open and relevant priority deadlines. This can help students prioritize their time (get those early deadline apps in first) and can help them see what kind of prep work they can do in advance (e.g. taking tests, lining up teachers who are willing to write letters of rec, if needed, etc). I’ll be encouraging my son to knock out as many of his applications as he can before the senior year starts, knowing that he’s going to be busy in the fall with soccer and other school activities.
Work together to prep for the application process. While the heavy lifting of applications (like writing the essay) should be the student’s responsibility, I’m planning to sit down with my son this summer to work on some of the logistics of getting applications in, like making sure he has a Common App account set up (if needed), walking through the process for getting transcripts from his high school, and helping request test scores for submission, if needed.
Make an application calendar or schedule: Once we’ve done the spreadsheet, we’ll make a list/schedule of which applications to work on, in which order, with first deadlines first.
It may just be the way my particular brain works, but it can be very soothing to feel like we are controlling the controllable and this is probably the most controllable part of the whole process!
Uncertainty about your future job prospects
The #2 most frequently cited anxiety trigger on the list (with 49% of students indicating this was a stress point) was “uncertainty about future job prospects”, which makes me wish I could make all those students read my last post about why being undecided and/or having to change a major is actually okay!
For parents, I think the best way to address this anxiety trigger is to make sure that their kids know that most people don’t actually know what their future professions will be at 17, but that nearly all of the available data consistently shows that earning a college degree results in higher levels of employment and earning potential over the course of their lifetime.
Going to college helps open the door to better job prospects… even if they don’t know exactly what they are looking for yet! Time is on their side and college is supposed to help answer these questions, so not knowing is okay.
Increasing strength of your high school academic curriculum
Okay - this one is a little bit of a tricky one and I’m sort of surprised to see it so high on the list of anxiety triggers, with 49% of students saying it was a concern. The survey was conducted with current high school seniors, so the truth is that it is too late at that point to worry about the strength of their academic curriculum.
You can’t un-ring a bell, and you can’t go back in time to take a bunch more honors or AP classes in 9-11th grade, so there really isn’t anything a student can do about this worry. What parents can do, however, is to remind them that there are MANY MANY MANY schools that will happily accept students who’ve taken all “regular” classes or a combo of “regular” and “college prep/honors/advanced”. Make sure there are at least a few schools on their application list with an acceptance rate of 70% and above and they’ll be just fine.
Considering cost of tuition and availability of financial aid
The fact that less than half of the students surveyed (47%) had cost as one of their anxiety triggers was also a bit of a surprise for me. I suspect the number of parents who’d put this as one of their top sources of anxiety around college would be quite a bit higher!
As a general rule, I think the cost of college is something that parents and kids should talk about early and with as much transparency as possible. At a minimum, going into the senior year, a kid should know the following (and will hopefully feel less anxious if they do):
How much money, per year, will the family be able to contribute to the cost of college (from a 529 or other sources)?
What are loan options that the family might consider, if needed? Federal loans only? Parent Plus loans? State based loan programs (if the state has them)? Private loans?
What are the estimated costs for each of the schools on their application list (using a cost of attendance calculator on the school website)? These calculations should be considered estimates only, but they can be helpful to see if there are likely to be REALLY big gaps between what a family might be able to pay and what aid they might get offered.
I’d also encourage all students to try to have a mixture of institutional types on their application list, just to make sure they might have some lower cost options in the mix when financial aid letters start to come.
Writing application essays
45% of the students surveyed had application essay anxiety as they navigated the admissions process, probably because they likely hear a lot about the importance of the essay in the admissions process.
Here’s another good place for one of my standard reminders: we have a stratified admissions system and the importance of the essay will really, really depend on whether students are looking at highly selective institutions or not. Some students, like my son, may not even have to write a single admissions essay because he is largely planning to apply to larger public universities that don’t require them for admissions. Some students, who are aiming for smaller, more selective schools, may have to write multiple essays. With that in mind, a few tips:
Consider adding at least one or two “no essay” schools to the application list (if they are schools the student would potentially be interested in, of course) just to have at least one or two non-anxious applications to complete
Help make sure they know that their essays don’t have to be about trauma or hardships or all of the challenges they may (or may not) have to overcome in their lives. This isn’t the saddest story wins - the best essays are the ones that sound the most like the student, that give some indication of their personality, their interests, the things that make them light up. Sometimes a really small topic written in a distinct voice is going to be the most effective essay.
Check out my “No Dead Grandmas” post for essay tips that might help (if I do say so myself)
Encourage them to start their essay(s) early and to have at least one other set of eyes proofread them. The strongest essays are usually the ones that got at least one round of revisions!
DO NOT USE CHATGPT or other generative AI. No, no, no. Not only does the student risk being flagged for AI use and/or plagiarism, those essays are the opposite of what admissions counselors want - they want the personality, the humanness, the distinct voice of the student. An essay that comes from generative AI is going to sound like allllll the other essays that are coming from generative AI and that is not an advantage in this process.
Final note
One happy finding from the report is that most students (over 60%) didn’t indicate that they found their parents to be a source of pressure and anxiety in the college search process, which I find encouraging.
The truth is that having anxiety around a process that is hyped for years and where the outcomes can feel outside of our control is pretty damn normal. But this is a great time for parents to assure their kids that they’ll have options, that the process is doable, and that you’ll be happy for them, no matter where they end up2.
Remember, most colleges still accept most of their applicants most of the time.
And if that doesn’t feel true for you yet, a gentle suggestion: work on it so you don’t have a kid who is one of the 36% who do say that their parents are a source of anxiety and pressure, okay?